I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
