Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
