Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
