It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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