If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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