k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry about my life...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
