I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize