Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
bring money and cleavage
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
