why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
