just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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