Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
