If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
