This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
