I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
