The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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