Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
