Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
