just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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