Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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