whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was born a porn star she said
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
