so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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