defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
