How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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