i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
