What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
