Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize