I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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