if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
