Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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