so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
