if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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