You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
