U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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