please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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