dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
