i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
