You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
