How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
