Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
