So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize