Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
