i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
