Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
