god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
