I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
