I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
