you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
