barbara walters just said penis...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
