I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
