drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
as a side note pls kill me
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
