How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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