okay pat passed out under dana's car
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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