I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
