Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
