So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
