He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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