Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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