if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
