she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm at about main and main street
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
