Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
