he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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