WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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