just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
