New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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