Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize