Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
