Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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