i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
