soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
