Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize