I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
