I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
