so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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