So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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