Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
