I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me I should be a condom model.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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