in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
