I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
