Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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