a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
