I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
