I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
