yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
