why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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